Fallen Off The Wagon

I just came to a realization as I was checking my email this late morning. I have really fallen off the wagon as far as what I was working on and where I was going. I got so engrossed in my emotions and the person and things behind them that I lost focus. This happened sometime around the middle of October...yeah. I've been a mess ever since.

I've been half a$$ing with my Gratitude challenge which is not good. Don't get me wrong I am eternally grateful for being on this earth. I'm just wasting a lot of time on this earth that can be used elsewhere...like working on my photography like I intended and also preparing for my move.

I need to do a little more investing in ME...both emotionally and monetarily. I purchased a few e-books from this photography forum that I am a part of...haven't read them yet. I need to get them printed out and bonded so I can take them with me. I also believe I need a new camera. In all actuality it's a want but it's a justified want...Lol. I spilled liquid on my four year old point and shoot and it's been acting funny ever since. I'm thinking of getting another point and shoot...a Nikon S70 this time to take the place of my Casio. I've had a good run with that camera but I believe it's time for an upgrade. We'll see.

I have A LOT to do emotionally. That takes up the majority of my energy which wipes me for everything else that needs to get done. More prayer, meditation, and reflection are needed. I need to let go and let flow naturally. Something within me is not allowing me to let go of this man. Something within me also is not allowing me to forgive myself for numerous things I may have messed up in my past. My spirit just needs to bumrush this 'something' and get rid of it! I need to live to the fullest without thinking of this man or my mistakes or choices that I made in life!

I'm working on all of this...need to work harder.