Constant Rollercoaster Ride

Alright I am about to be a little pathetic. I don't like it when I do this but it's happening so now I'm blogging about it.

I had an all day event today at the Marriott @ the Airport. My company brought in a very inspirational speaker and I wanted to hear what she had to say. The hotel fed us and took very good care of us. It was a very inspirational day and I was feeling great!

That is until around 3pm. I did something stupid and from then on my mind was dwelling in the past and centering on...you've guessed it...my ex. Oh no WTF!!! Now I had two more hours of this event to sit through and I was not feeling it much anymore...but I made myself absorb the rest in. Once 5pm hit I hot tailed it out that hotel, to my vehicle and on the road I went.

The whole way back I was in a constant battle to get these troubling thoughts out of my head. What troubling thoughts? Well...I was thinking of how I was NEVER this man's girlfriend in the first place. That isn't really true. I was in the beginning but then the 'love/lust/passion' died out on his end...I'm not sure when and I am only assuming. Sad thing was it didn't for me. None of this was ever discussed between us and there was a lot of confusion on my end...hence the assumptions. Other thoughts? I was thinking "So I got used". I think that because of things that I have done during the relationship. I helped this man with his home improvement projects. I helped paint his house. Don't get me wrong I was happy to do it....I was vested in the relationship and wanted to do what I can for him. In my emotional state at the time during my drive home I felt like I was being used. This of course is not the case...at least I hope it is not. I could have been used to help this man with his house and such. I don't know. Oh well. Whatever.

There were a lot of other thoughts that went through my head. I'm not going to get into any of them at the moment. I didn't want these thoughts to go through my head but they did. I did a pretty good job of handling them...I did not shed one tear. Yay me! Like I said...I just had a weak, pathetic moment. Those will come around every now and then. I'll just have to handle them as they come.

To be truthful, even though I still love this man, I am so happy that he has found someone and has found love with that someone. I wish them both happiness and many blessings. Yes...I am happy that he is happy. There's nothing that I can do as far as me and him...we didn't work out. I hope those two do...and that is sincere. :0)

Well my cool points just dropped tons due to this little sob of a story/rant. My apologies but I had to put it here. Just be thankful that I didn't start this blog when we broke up two months ago! Lol. Yeah that would have been VERY INTERESTING!

Alright I'm out! Have a good night everyone! ;0)