I believe it's raining outside. Not that many folks will associate a wonderful morning with a rainy one. I love the rain myself. It cleanses mother earth when it does. Plus playing out in the rain has always been a good time. :-) I'm not doing that right now...but it is a great idea for later. ;-)
My day started off pretty good. I got my Twitter and Facebook time in this morning...gotta keep the status updated. :D I was surprised that I received a message from someone this morning. It happened to have been a mutual friend of the ex. She was checking in on me...basically saying she doesn't know how it ended with me and him and that it couldn't be easy with what's going on. She hopes I'm doing good.
I was contemplating not responding to her. I'm not really communicating with any of our mutual friends on Facebook. It could make a lot of people who are not me and my ex uncomfortable. When a breakup happens it's kind of hard to choose sides. You shouldn't have to put people in that position. That and I just didn't want to deal with any of the questions..."well what happened? How can he be married now if you guys just broke up? Are you OK?" It's no one's business really even if they are trying to be kind. I may need to break the ties completely to make things easier...for me and everyone else.
Well I did end up responding back to her. Pretty vague message too. Basically I said that life in general wasn't easy but we still deal and that it's all good. Truthfully it is all good. I have things in the works at the moment that I wouldn't have had if I was still with this man. We're both better off without each other. I am truly happy for him and his new wife. Blah, blah, blah. Lol. I seem to be saying that a lot. It's like nobody believes me...even me. :D
So it is the unofficial start of the weekend. I have a few options on what to do this evening. I'll think about all of them as the day goes on. :D
Alright I am about to be a little pathetic. I don't like it when I do this but it's happening so now I'm blogging about it.
I had an all day event today at the Marriott @ the Airport. My company brought in a very inspirational speaker and I wanted to hear what she had to say. The hotel fed us and took very good care of us. It was a very inspirational day and I was feeling great!
That is until around 3pm. I did something stupid and from then on my mind was dwelling in the past and centering on...you've guessed it...my ex. Oh no WTF!!! Now I had two more hours of this event to sit through and I was not feeling it much anymore...but I made myself absorb the rest in. Once 5pm hit I hot tailed it out that hotel, to my vehicle and on the road I went.
The whole way back I was in a constant battle to get these troubling thoughts out of my head. What troubling thoughts? Well...I was thinking of how I was NEVER this man's girlfriend in the first place. That isn't really true. I was in the beginning but then the 'love/lust/passion' died out on his end...I'm not sure when and I am only assuming. Sad thing was it didn't for me. None of this was ever discussed between us and there was a lot of confusion on my end...hence the assumptions. Other thoughts? I was thinking "So I got used". I think that because of things that I have done during the relationship. I helped this man with his home improvement projects. I helped paint his house. Don't get me wrong I was happy to do it....I was vested in the relationship and wanted to do what I can for him. In my emotional state at the time during my drive home I felt like I was being used. This of course is not the case...at least I hope it is not. I could have been used to help this man with his house and such. I don't know. Oh well. Whatever.
There were a lot of other thoughts that went through my head. I'm not going to get into any of them at the moment. I didn't want these thoughts to go through my head but they did. I did a pretty good job of handling them...I did not shed one tear. Yay me! Like I said...I just had a weak, pathetic moment. Those will come around every now and then. I'll just have to handle them as they come.
To be truthful, even though I still love this man, I am so happy that he has found someone and has found love with that someone. I wish them both happiness and many blessings. Yes...I am happy that he is happy. There's nothing that I can do as far as me and him...we didn't work out. I hope those two do...and that is sincere. :0)
Well my cool points just dropped tons due to this little sob of a story/rant. My apologies but I had to put it here. Just be thankful that I didn't start this blog when we broke up two months ago! Lol. Yeah that would have been VERY INTERESTING!
Alright I'm out! Have a good night everyone! ;0)
Ok. I am actually doing this...blogging my most inner being amongst a bunch of strangers. Well isn't that the 'to do' thing nowadays? Lol. I am doing this in an effort to turn things around for me. Let me explain...
I have been on this earth for almost 32 years. My years have been very fulfilling don't get me wrong. In my eye there is always room for improvement. Being stagnant for so long is not healthy in my eye. It will drive you insane as it has for me.
~Definition of Insanity~
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Yeah I've been doing that for SOME time now...doing the same mundane things and expecting extraordinary results. Yeah THAT didn't happen. I've always known that it wasn't going to either...but I kept doing these tasks. It stops here.
What I hope to accomplish with this blog is a MAJOR change in my mindset and my life as a whole. You can call this...therapy for me. I'm going to admit something right now. I am very messed up in the head...no kidding...for real...certifiable. The things that I post here may be disturbing, evil, pathetic, and downright ignorant sometimes. There are a lot of things that I have held onto throughout my years. I hope to release a lot of that through this blog and other avenues. We'll see what happens with that. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
Thanks for stopping by. More posts with a little more history to follow.
:)
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